I'll never forget the first time my daughter requested “cup” (sounded like “ka!” with a reach, so there was no mistake).
My husband heard it from across the kitchen and came running over. "Did she just say cup?! Say cup! Say cup again!"
He started clapping and cheering like she'd just won an Olympic gold medal.
And you know what happened? She completely forgot about her cup, stopped looking at me, and started clapping back at him.
In that moment, he’d just accidentally showed her that clapping was way more interesting than actually communicating with us.
Oops.
If you've ever done something similar (and honestly, who hasn't?), please don't beat yourself up. I know what it feels like when every part of you wants to jump up and down when they finally talk.
That instinct to get excited? It's valid.
But here's what I've learned in my years as a speech therapist working with late talkers: how you respond can be the difference between encouraging more words... or accidentally shutting down the conversation.
Why Your Natural Reaction Might Be Working Against You
Here's what typically happens:
Parent hears new word → Gets SUPER excited → Claps and cheers → Child either gets startled, distracted, or starts mimicking the clapping instead of continuing to use words.
I see this pattern constantly with parents worried about toddler speech delays, and honestly? It breaks my heart a little. Because I know how desperately you want to celebrate these moments. Whether your 2 year old is not talking much yet, or you're concerned because your toddler has no words at 18 months, you've probably been waiting forever to hear that first "mama" or "dada." Of course you want to jump up and down.
But that big reaction can actually pull your little one out of the focused, communicative moment you've both created together.
Think about it this way: imagine you're in the middle of sharing something important with a friend, and suddenly they start jumping up and down and cheering. You'd probably stop talking and wonder what just happened, right?
Your toddler feels the same way.
And if you're sitting there feeling like you've been doing it all wrong, let me be clear: you haven't. You're a loving parent who wants to celebrate your child. But now, let’s try something different.
The 3-Second Rule: What to Do Instead
So what should you do when your child says a new word? I call it the 3-Second Rule, and it's all about your immediate response in those first moments.
This approach works whether you're dealing with a speech delay, your toddler is not talking as much as peers, or you simply want to help your toddler talk more effectively.
Here's exactly what to do:
Step 1: Take a breath (1 second)
Don't react immediately. Give yourself just one second to process what happened and choose your response intentionally. I know this is hard when you're internally screaming with joy.
Step 2: Match their energy (1 second)
Look at your child's facial expression and body language. Are they calm and focused? Excited? Pointing? Match that energy level - not your excitement level.
Step 3: Respond appropriately (1 second)
Now you'll respond based on why they said the word in the first place.
Two Types of Communication
Not all words are created equal. There are many different reasons your toddler communicates.
Two of the most common are:
- Commenting (sharing an observation with you)
- Requesting (asking for something they want)
And each requires a different response. This is especially important if you're working on speech therapy goals at home or trying to help a toddler with speech delays.
When Your Child is Commenting
What it looks like: Your toddler points to a dog walking by and says "dog!" They're sharing an observation with you - like saying "Hey mom, look at that cool thing!"
Try this:
- Repeat the word back with a warm smile: "Dog!"
- Point to what they're looking at
- Add one related word: "Big dog!" or "Brown dog!"
Example conversation:
- Child: "Dog!" (pointing excitedly)
- You: "Dog! I see the dog too." (pointing with a smile)
- Child: "Woof!"
- You: "Yes! The dog says woof! Loud woof!"
See that back-and-forth? That's what we call a ping-pong conversation (building turn-taking skills), and it's absolute magic when it happens.
When Your Child is Requesting
What it looks like: Your toddler points to their cup and says "milk" or reaches toward a toy and says "ball." They want something specific.
Try this:
- Acknowledge what they want: "Oh, you want milk!"
- Give them what they're requesting (within reason, of course)
- Add a related comment: "Here's your milk. Cold milk!"
Example conversation:
- Child: "Up!" (arms raised toward you)
- You: "Up! You want to go up." (picking them up)
- Child: "More!"
- You: "More up? Higher up!" (lifting them higher)
When you follow through on their requests, you're showing them the incredible power of their words. And trust me, that's a lesson worth teaching.
What NOT to Do
❌ Don't clap and cheer immediately: save the celebration for after the conversation naturally ends
❌ Don't ask them to "say it again": this turns a beautiful natural moment into a performance (and most toddlers will just stare at you like you've lost your mind)
❌ Don't immediately test them: avoid saying "What's that?" right after they just told you what it was
❌ Don't call other people over: "Daddy, come hear what Emma said!" This shifts focus away from the shared moment you're having
If you've been doing any of these things, please give yourself some grace. We've all been there.
When You CAN Get Excited
Here's when it's perfect to show all that excitement:
- After the conversation naturally ends (then feel free to do a happy dance!)
- Later in the day when you're telling your partner about it
- When your child isn't looking (I've definitely fist-pumped in the kitchen)
Your excitement and pride are beautiful. We're just timing them differently.
What If Your Child IS Motivated by Big Reactions?
Look, every child is different. If your little one thrives on big reactions and it actually encourages more communication, then keep doing what works for your family!
But I'd love for you to try this gentler approach for just a few days and see what happens. You might be surprised by how much more your child engages when they feel like you're having a conversation instead of putting on a show.
The Science Behind Why This Works
When we match our child's energy and stay focused on the shared experience, we're:
- Building joint attention (both of you focusing on the same thing - a crucial communication skill)
- Teaching turn-taking (the foundation of every conversation they'll ever have)
- Showing them their words have real power (encouraging them to keep trying)
- Creating positive associations with talking (making it enjoyable, not stressful)
Pretty amazing what a 3-second pause can do, right?
What This Means for Your Child's Communication Future
Every time you respond thoughtfully to your child's words, you're:
- Building their confidence as someone worth listening to
- Teaching them that conversations are fun and rewarding
- Showing them their words actually matter and make things happen
- Creating the foundation for more complex language down the road
And that's definitely worth celebrating.
Whether you're dealing with a toddler speech delay or you simply want to help your toddler talk more effectively, these strategies can make a real difference in your child's communication development.
If this resonates with you and you're ready for more strategies like this... The truth is, knowing how to respond is just one piece of helping your late talker catch up. If you're looking for more, I'd love to invite you to check out my free workshop.
In less than an hour, you'll learn the process behind my proven LITTLE TALKERS™ Method I use with families to transform daily routines—like meals, diaper changes, and bedtime—into powerful language-learning opportunities. Click here to save your spot!
