Before our little ones are born, we eagerly await their first words and wonder what they'll be like.
But here's what no one tells you in those dreamy pregnancy moments: babies and toddlers don't go from silence to suddenly popping out words.
It's 2 AM and you're doing what every worried parent does: googling "why isn't my toddler talking yet?" while your little one sleeps. Your friend's younger child is already saying "more crackers please" while yours points with the precision of a tiny air traffic controller but says nothing.
As a speech-language pathologist and mom of three who has spent over a decade working with families, when a toddler isn't talking yet or isn't meeting their speech and language milestones, I look at the foundational skills that need to be in place before any child can start talking and saying new words.
Think of language development like an iceberg. The words you can hear, that's just the tiny tip visible above the water.
But underneath the surface, there's this massive foundation of skills supporting everything you see.
When my son was struggling with his gross motor milestones, I learned this lesson the hard way.
Everyone could see he wasn't sitting up at 9 months, but what they couldn't see were all the foundational skills he WAS building.
The same is true for language development.
The Foundation Your Toddler Needs Before Words
I've worked with thousands of families, and here's what I've learned: when we focus on building these foundations instead of pushing for words, children often surprise us with how quickly language emerges.
Let me walk you through each of these skills, what they look like when they're developing well, and what it might look like if your child needs some extra support in any of these areas.
Looking and listening is where it all begins. From birth, your baby senses and reacts to events in the environment and communication from other people. They turn their head toward voices, make and maintain eye contact, and show you they're tuned into the world around them.
This might seem basic, but it's actually incredibly sophisticated. Your little one is learning that the sounds and sights around them have meaning and that people are interesting and worth paying attention to.
Taking Turns
Taking turns is the foundation of all future conversations. Your baby starts to engage in back-and-forth interactions with another person: handing objects back and forth, playing peekaboo, or rolling a ball with an adult. This is literally teaching them how conversations work: I do something, then you do something, then I respond to what you did.
Without this skill, your toddler won't understand the flow of communication that makes talking with others so rewarding.
Join Attention
Joint attention is magic for learning new words. This is when you and your toddler are both focused on the same thing or activity, and you're both aware that you're sharing that experience together. Picture your little one pointing to a dog, you both looking at it, and then them looking back at you to make sure you see what they see.
This shared focus creates the optimal learning opportunity. When your toddler is already interested in something and you're both looking at it together, that's when new words stick.
Your toddler might need support if they don't look at you to "check in" to see if you see what they do, don't follow your point when you say "look," or are so focused on objects that they don't notice you or include you in their experience.
Receptive Language
Understanding words comes before using them. Before a toddler can be expected to use a word purposefully to communicate, they need to understand what it means. A toddler's not going to request help from you if they don't know that "help" means you're going to come and help them.
This receptive language foundation is crucial. Your little one needs to build a vocabulary of words they understand before they can start using those same words to communicate their own thoughts and needs.
You might notice your toddler responding appropriately when you say "get your shoes" or "find your cup" even if they're not saying those words yet. That's their understanding of language growing.
Your toddler might need support if they don't look at familiar people or objects when named, are unable to follow simple directions like “come here” and “sit down” and 2-step directions like "get your shoes bring them to me" by 24 months.
Imitation
Imitation is how toddlers learn almost everything. This is how toddlers learn lots of new things, and talking is no exception. Imitation starts with copying facial expressions, body movements, and gestures, and eventually progresses to sounds, words, and phrases.
It gives toddlers lots of practice saying new words before they're able to use them independently. Think of it as their rehearsal time before the real performance.
If your toddler is great at copying your actions during play (clapping when you clap, waving when you wave) that's a wonderful sign that this foundation is developing well.
Gestures
Gestures are your toddler's first "words." In typical language development, gestures come first. They're hugely important and often predict the words that your child is going to be using later. This is why we expect to see 16 gestures by 16 months.
When your toddler points to the cookie jar, they're not just asking for a snack. They're practicing the fundamental skill of intentional communication, using a symbol to share an idea with you. This is exactly what they'll do with words later.
Some key gestures and the approximate ages they emerge:
✨ 9 Months: Give, shake head
✨ 10 Months: Reach, raise arms
✨ 11 Months: Show, wave
✨ 12 Months: Open-hand point, tap
✨ 13 Months: Clap, blow a kiss
✨ 14 Months: Index finger point, “shhh” gesture
✨ 15 Months: Head nod, thumbs up, hand up
✨ 16 Months: Other symbolic gestures
🚨DISCLAIMER: It doesn’t need to be the exact gestures named in this list, so don’t stress if your child’s progress looks a little different. 16 is the goal, but the specific gestures can vary by family!
Babbling
Babbling is your toddler's speech practice. This is how babies practice using speech sounds before they put them together to form words. Toddlers still babble too, and over time, babbling decreases and gets replaced by true words.
Here's something important: babies and toddlers are typically noisy before they start talking. So if you would classify your child as quiet, or they have very limited to no babbling by 10 months, there could be a hearing issue going on.
Even if they passed their newborn hearing screening, even if they appear to hear fine, I definitely recommend ruling that out.
When to Trust Your Instincts
Every child develops at their own pace, and there's natural variation in these timelines. But here's what I don't want you to do: wait and see if someone tells you to.
If you're concerned about your toddler's communication development, if they seem to be missing several of these foundational skills, or if your gut is telling you something needs attention, don't let anyone tell you to "just wait it out."
Your instincts matter. You know your child better than anyone else. And early support can make a tremendous difference in helping these foundational skills develop.
What to Remember
Language development is so much more complex and beautiful than just waiting for first words to appear. Your toddler is working on an incredible foundation of skills that will support not just their first words, but all their future communication.
Every smile, every game of peekaboo, every moment of shared attention is building the foundation for the amazing conversations you're going to have with your little one.
Your job is to understand what your toddler is working on underneath the surface and support their development with patience, playfulness, and celebration of every small step forward.
Ready for more? Join me for my free workshop, “Proven Method For Getting Your Toddler Talking”. The earlier you start supporting these foundational skills, the stronger your child's communication foundation becomes. Don't wait to see what happens: take action while these skills are actively developing. Click here to save your spot!
Sources:
Wetherby, A. M., & Prizant, B. M. (2002). Communication and symbolic behavior scales developmental profile. Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes.
Tomasello, M., Carpenter, M., & Liszkowski, U. (2007). A new look at infant pointing. Child Development, 78(3), 705-722.
