That moment when your little one reaches for their favorite snack, you offer it to them, and they immediately shake their head "no", but then melt down when you don't give it to them. 😫
If you've been there... you're definitely not alone.
Yesterday I got a DM from a mom who said, "My 20-month-old says 'no' to literally everything. Even when I offer her something she clearly wants, she says no and then gets upset when I don't give it to her. I feel like I'm constantly guessing what she actually means!"
Raises hand 🤚
I've been there too...
I remember being at the grocery store with my oldest, and she kept pointing at the bananas. So I grabbed some and asked, "Do you want bananas?"
"No!" she said, shaking her head.
"Okay, no bananas," I said, putting them back.
Cue the meltdown. Right there in the produce section. 😳
Here's what I wish someone had told me years ago when I was a new mom and young speech-language pathologist...
This isn't your fault.
Your little one isn't being difficult on purpose.
And there's actually a lot you can do to help.
Why "Yes" and "No" Get So Confusing
As a licensed speech therapist who specializes in toddler language development, I see this constantly.
Your toddler's brain is doing something pretty amazing right now...
They're learning that words have power. That their voice matters. That they can influence what happens around them.
But here's the thing:
- "No" feels powerful: so they use it for everything
- Connecting words to gestures is hard: nodding while saying "no" is totally normal
- Their understanding is ahead of their expression: they know what they want but can't always say it clearly
- They're experimenting: testing how their words affect you
And honestly? This is actually a good sign.
It means your child is developing language skills and learning that communication is a two-way street.
4 Simple Strategies That Actually Work
I'm about to share the exact strategies I use with families and the ones that helped me get through the grocery store meltdowns with my own kids.
Strategy #1: Make Your Head Movements Impossible to Miss
When you say "yes" or "no," I want you to exaggerate that head movement.
I'm talking bigger and slower than feels natural.
Like this: "Do you want milk?" [the most obvious nod you've ever done] "Yes, you want milk!"
Why this works: Your little one is a visual learner. The more obvious you make that connection between the word and the gesture, the faster they'll get it.
Strategy #2: Use What They Want to Teach "Yes"
This one's my favorite because it works with your child's natural desires instead of against them.
When your little one reaches for something they clearly want... use it as a teaching moment.
Let's say they're reaching for their toy car:
"Do you want the car? Yes, you want the car!" [big nod]
Then immediately give them the car.
The magic here: You're pairing the word "yes" with getting something they want. Positive association = faster learning.
Strategy #3: Model "No" When They Clearly Don't Want Something
Same concept, but in reverse.
If they push away a toy you've offered:
"Do you want the car? No, you don't want the car. You want the ball!" [exaggerated shake, then nod]
Then hand them what they actually want.
This teaches them: "No" is useful for rejecting things, not just a default response to everything.
Strategy #4: Honor What They Say (Even When It Seems Wrong)
This one might feel counterintuitive... but trust me on this.
If your child says "no" but you think they mean "yes," honor what they said first.
See if they understand their choice.
For example:
- Child reaches for a ball but says "no" when you offer it
- You say "Okay, no ball" and don't give it to them
- If they get upset, then you model: "Oh! You DO want the ball! Do you want the ball? Yes, you want the ball!"
Why this works: It teaches them that their words have real meaning and consequences... while still giving you the chance to help them communicate correctly.
The Truth About Consistency
Here's what nobody tells you about language development...
It's not linear.
Some days your little one will nail it. Other days they'll seem like they've forgotten everything you've practiced.
That's completely normal.
What matters is that you keep showing up. Keep modeling. Keep being patient.
Because every single time you do this, you're building something beautiful:
- Fewer meltdowns from miscommunication
- More connection between you and your child
- Your little one feeling truly heard and understood
- Less guessing what they actually want or need
And that's worth all the practice in the world.
When Your Child Mixes Everything Up
Don't panic if your toddler nods "yes" while saying "no."
This is so normal I can't even tell you.
Instead:
- Keep modeling the right combinations
- Give them time to figure it out
- Celebrate the tiny wins when they get it right 🎉
You Don't Have to Wait and See
Most toddlers master "yes" and "no" between 18-24 months, but there's definitely a range.
Keep working on these strategies if:
- Your child is making any progress (even tiny steps count)
- They're interested in communicating with you
- You're seeing improvements, no matter how small
Consider getting support if:
- Your child is over 2.5 and rarely uses "yes" or "no"
- Communication frustration is impacting your daily life
- You feel stuck after trying these strategies consistently
You're Not Alone in This
I know how exhausting it can be when you're constantly trying to decode what your little one actually wants.
But here's what I want you to know...
Every time you patiently model these words and gestures, you're giving your child exactly what they need to communicate with you more clearly.
Those moments of connection, when your toddler finally says "yes" and means it, or confidently tells you "no" when they don't want something, make all the meltdowns worth it.
Your little one wants to communicate with you.
They're not trying to make your life difficult.
They just need the right support to get there.
And you're exactly the right person to give them that support.
Looking for more?
If these strategies feel overwhelming or you're not sure where to start, save your spot in my free workshop. It's less than an hour long and you’ll learn the process behind my proven LITTLE TALKERS® Method so you know what your toddler wants and everyone feels less frustrated.... without adding anything extra to your already-full plate. Click here to save your spot!
